1. RPS


Seems self-explanatory right? I disagree chief.

The Origins:

The origins of Rock Paper Scissors are easy to trace.  In 1985 Dr Daniel Fisher of Oakland, California was scouring the island of Tristan da Cunha for rare fruit bat specimens when he came across an interesting cave painting. The picture depicted a bull or a horse or something with a bunch of stick figure guys parading around. Immediately to the right of that however was a painting of a stone, a papyrus leaf, and two arrowheads crossed. The items were displayed in a circle with a line from the rock to the arrowheads, the arrowheads to the papyrus and the papyrus to the stone. Wondering what was the meaning of it all Fisher uttered, “I wonder what is the meaning of it all” In response the cameraman said its rock paper scissors. Its original use was to determine which tribesman had to wash the old priests’ warted backs…yum.


The Uses:

Rock Paper Scissors can be a means of determining a variety of life’s most difficult obstacles ranging from who gets the last slice of buffalo chicken pizza to settling our nation’s foreign policy decisions.  The complexities behind Rock Paper Scissors reflect every quandary you face in life.  



The Rules:

(Disclaimer: these are not tournament rules, these rules apply to everyday life)





Rock beats Scissors

Paper beats Rock

Scissors beats Paper



The cadence differs upon the region you reside. East coast cadence is Rock-Paper-Scissors-Shoot releasing your poison on shoot. West coast cadence, Ro-Sham-Bo and on Bo, let ‘er fly. Jan-ken-po in for our Hawaiian brethren (footnote Josiah and his Pidgin). Regardless of where you hang your hat or your coconut bikini top, the pace of the cadence is to be set by the challenged, not the challenger.


Let me get one thing straight. Trash talking is not only allowed it is encouraged. In addition mind games may be played at any time. By proclaiming “I’m throwing Rock” before the cadence you throw a wrench into your opponent’s strategy. Do I trust him? Do I change my throw? Trust me, it can completely change the game. Calling a time out in between throws to change the pace, also a good move. This is not a game of luck. This is not a game of luck. I wrote it twice, because it’s that important.

Think you got it, hold up


Fire beats rock paper and scissors. It’s to rock paper scissors what Franz Mitterhauser is to moustaches IT IS SEEMINGLY INVICABLE


However, my friends, fire may only be thrown once in a lifetime, so make sure it’s worth it.

To throw Fire, one must cup the hand palm upwards and wiggle the fingers to simulate peaks of flames. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity so make those fingertips DANCE

So, I know what you’re thinking, my roommate and I are debating who has to walk down the flight of stairs to open the door for the delivery man to bring in the wings, I have a feeling he is going to throw fire, is all hope lost? The answer my little man, is no.  Just as Franz’s nemesis is the razor, fire’s nemesis is water. Water can be thrown whenever you would like.  It defeats fire, but nothing else.  Throw wisely.







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One Response to “1. RPS”

  1. snukes Says:

    If you think Franz Mitterhauser’s mustache has anything on Papa Cas, you are dumber than I thought.

    What are the rules for southerners? I’m sure hicks have their own variation

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